CHAPTER FIVE: A New Start, A New Life

Life without Sam was totally a disaster. Without him, I was nothing!! I just could not get him out of my mind. In the day, I acted perfectly normal as if nothing had happened where I occupied my time with all my assignments and revisions. Meanwhile in the midnight, when I was all alone in my room, i drowned myself with tears. I knew this was the stupidest thing that i ever did in my life but what could I do for I am blinded by your love.


I thought this would continue consecutively until the end of my life but it did not. Soon, I learnt how to get up on my feet again. Now, things became better. I became more open-minded and matured thinking than before. With God's constant help, I scored beautifully in my SPM examination and managed to get into a well-known University in Australia to further my tertiary studies. Everything happened too fast. It was like a dream.


Few months before I flew to Australia all by myself, I did a lot of shopping and packaging. Seriously at that time, I was very excited and yet nervous. Well, it was simply because this was my first time to Australia and also my very first time leaving my parents far behind and flew to a place that I was not familiar with. I knew this would definitely make me feel home-sick but there would be no turning back for me. This is my life, my future!! I want to mould it just in the way that I want it to be!!


**** 19 JANUARY 2005, 6.45 am ~~~ at the air port ***


"Goodbye honey, we will miss you. Remember to call me everyday or else, I will fly to Australia to give you some nice music of mine," mum shouted in my ear while embracing me in a warm hug.


"I will, mum. Hope the next time I see you; you are not as “naggy” as before. Look at me. I am a big girl now!! I can take good care of myself. So, don't you worry about me? I'll be fine. I promise,” I replied her with a sunshine smile.


Slowly after that, I turned to my old man (my dad) and gave him a tight hug. He gasped and hugged me back. Although he did not throw a single word to me, i knew he was worried about me too.


“Hey dad, you're the best", I said to him.


Soon, all my friends came over to greet me as well. It was so touching at that time when each and every one of them presented me with the cards and presents that they prepared. At that time, I failed to hold my tears. I squealed and gave them a hug before I headed to the gate.

It is a song that goes well with NIcole's feeling in the story. Enjoy!!

Just Want You To Know- by Backstreet boys

Lookin' at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do
Could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were, everything, everything to me.


I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know


All the doors are closing, I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day,
The day you slipped away



And I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go (oh)
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That theres a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say (yeah)
I would do it all again
Just want you to know


That since I lost you
I lost myself (ohhh)
No I can't fake it
There's no one else



So I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me (back to me)
But still I have to say (I have to say)
I would do it all again (do it all again)



I just want you to know (cuz I've been fighting)
That I've been fighting to let you go (ohh)
Some days I make it through (and then there's)
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe (yeah)
That there's a day you'll come back to me (but still)
But still I have to say (I have to say)
I would do it all again
Just want you to know